December 30, 2004

On Being a Blogging Daddy

I believe that this blogging habit is good for me, it keeps me writing (and therefore thinking), it records what I'm doing and thinking about right now so I can have the chance to look back on it in the future and see how I've changed, and it forces me to remember things. I've come to realize that I have a pretty bad long term memory. I don't know how it compares to other people, but if we all remember as poorly as I do, it's an amazingly lucky thing that we have historians (and phonebooks, archives, photo albums...)

I have only specks of memory from before college, which makes my siblings seem hundreds of years away. I used to have a grandmother, my mom's mom, but all I remeber are pictures, and butterscotch candies. That's no good, that's not enough to keep my brain happy, and I don't want to lose more. I don't want to lose this time with Marion, it's just too precious. I remember it all right now.

I remember before she was born, when we looked the other way during the ultrasound so we wouldn't accidentally find out which sex she was. I remember not having any real sense of whether she was a boy or a girl, and knowing more than I've ever know anything before, that I would be overjoyed either way. She waved at us that day, just as we were finishing up with the ultrasound.

I have the day she was born in my mind, like it was just a few days ago, yet it seems like such a different time. Keleigh and I were such different people, we lived a very different life. Marion came to us on May 31st, born into the water and into my hands. I still cry every time I think about that. I owe my wife so much for trusting me with such an important duty, such an honor. I love them both even more because I was able to catch Marion, to help in my little way to bring her into the world.

The early days of her with us, our baby-moon, are still with me too. We didn't have to go into work, didn't have to bother with getting groceries, or doing the laundry, or any of the trivial things that make up life. We had help, and we had our daughter. She actually didn't even have a name until the morning of June 1st, just Little Princess No-Name.

And I will not lose these days. I won't lose today, when she fell asleep happy, smiling at her daddy, and smiling at the world. I'm so lucky to have the chance to be with her as much as I am now, and I'm not going to let this time fall away into the broken pieces of my brain. My daughter, my baby daughter, will be with me forever, even when she's a 'big girl'.


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